You are living the life you tolerate, and setting healthy boundaries is a must!!

I am amazed by the number of people who complain about their dissatisfaction in their personal and professional lives. I have learned over the years that we must learn how to set healthy boundaries to remain in control of our mental and emotional wellbeing because otherwise, you are living the life you tolerate and that’s not always in your best interest.

Below are some questions to consider when you evaluate your current boundaries:

• Are you in a bad relationship?
• Are you in a bad job?
• Are you in a bad business partnership?
• Do you have friends who make you feel like you are giving more than you are getting out of the friendship?

If you can honestly answer, “Yes,” to any of these questions, then it means that you have tolerated and accepted this less than ideal behaviour. You have to learn how to put healthy boundaries around yourself including:

• Your time,
• Your heart,
• Your feelings,
• Your mind and
• All of your resources, which includes financial.

When you allow this negative energy to enter your space and control your life it often becomes difficult to remove it. Why? Because we tend to become complacent and complicit in situations which no longer serve us. We become comfortable and believe this is as good as it is going to get or hope the situation will be temporary and work itself out with little effort. I am here to tell you if you do not take action to make negative energy go away if you do not take action to protect your space and your energy, then the bad behaviour, negative energy and your unhappiness in the situation will continue.

When my clients or friends share negative situations going on in their lives, the questions I immediately ask are: “What DID you do to change it?” “What HAVE you done to change it?” “What WILL you do to change it?” and “What would you like to see happen?”

When you ask yourself those questions, often you will discover that the answer is already inside of you. Sometimes it helps to have someone else look at your situation from a different perspective. It also takes saying things out loud, sometimes for the first time. Some people bury their feelings deep inside, while others may complain or vent to others, but never take action to improve their circumstances. In reality, no one wants to be in a situation where they feel the people who are supposed to care about them are taking advantage of them. We have to find the strength and the ability to pull ourselves out of unhealthy situations so we no longer simply tolerate life, but rather LIVE life to the fullest.

Are you living a life you have come to tolerate? Start writing down what you like and what you do not like. Write down the pros and cons of your relationships. Give them an honest assessment. Have open, honest and loving conversations with people who you feel are not helping you be the best version of yourself. If it is not a fair and balanced relationship, let them know.

When you set new boundaries, people will either rise and meet you where you are or they will slide away. If they slide away, then that means they were in your life for their gain only. If they stay and meet you where you are, then they are part of your renewed life journey. Give them a seat in the front row of your new life and place everyone else in the balcony.

Here are some strategies you can start putting into practice now to help establish healthy boundaries in your life:

#1. Love Yourself First 

You must decide to start loving yourself more than anyone else, including your children, your spouse, your parents, your significant other and your friends. You have to love yourself more than you love anyone else. You have to put yourself first. That means protecting your “Yes’s” and saying “NO” without explanation. If the people in your life cannot appreciate these new healthy boundaries and if they cannot meet you where you are, then it may be time to take an assessment of those relationships.   

#2. Seek Counseling

We need to take care of our mental health the same way we take care of our physical health. Sometimes past traumas impact how we show up in life and in relationships, and it may take a professional therapist to help you identify how those past situations are manifesting in your current life. Make the investment to spend some time talking to a professional to help you see things through a different lens and embrace new ways to walk through life.  

#3. Take Back Control

The only person you can control in life is Y-O-U, and you are living the life you tolerate. Although we like to think we can control our children or significant others, the truth is we cannot. We can influence their behaviour, but at the end of the day, we cannot control their mind or emotions. Therefore, shift that energy and focus on how you react to certain situations and take back control over your life. Sometimes the best reaction is none at all…and there is plenty of power in that!

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